Stitched pieces from her torn diary

     She was around seven, when her grandma used to tell, “One day your prince charming will come and will take you with him”. The very idea of leaving her loving family was rather scary than dreamy. And she would snuggle into her lap sobbing, “I’m not going anywhere”.

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   Growing up…, going to school together, playing together and at times fighting with her cousin was the major part of her daily life. Oddly enough, the women around her used to describe them as co-wives. It was not even funny. How come her beloved sister can be compared with an envious co wife? She could only murmur (saying it aloud to their face was disrespectful. So what, you are just 10.), “Get lost old lady”.

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   She finished high school and was pretty excited about upcoming years of college life while her dad was counting the years left. She continued her college while offering an extra hand to her mom. The mistakes in kitchen or so called behavioral skills earned her criticisms from Mom. And mom was right. “if you continue this attitude I’m definitely going to get scolded at your in-laws place. Everyone will blame the mother” – her mom used to say. Then, there is that proverb, “Duhita: dui kulaku hita”, meaning The actions of the girl brings glory (or shame) to both the families. She used to wonder if the proverbs were made by men.
   She used to comply silently. But, you can only control your actions not your thoughts. The discontentment was growing. She made up her mind not to be dependent on anyone. That she should be capable enough to get herself food and shelter. After all that is what she’ll get in a marriage and which might cost her hopes, desires and independence. She should not; she must not spend the rest of her life inside four walls of the kitchen. She decided to fight, no matter what comes in her way.

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     Her dad sometimes try to explain her that nobody wants her earnings and It’s better to get married in the right age. And again there’s that proverb, “Bina ashraye banchi na paranti kabita, banita, lata”. Literally translates to - A poem, a girl and an epiphyte cannot survive without support.  “What a mean proverb!! Must be written by a man” – she used to think.

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    However, the 1^st step for becoming independent; getting a job, was not that easy for her. She didn’t get a campus placement like many of her friends did. After graduation, she tried getting a job in The Silicon Valley of India, but had to come back home because of ever increasing pressure of get a job or comeback home arguments. Many of her friends who stayed back got jobs in a while.
     Luck wasn’t too hard on her either. She got a small job in a little known company, then switched to a well-established organization with better pay but an inferior role and eventually a job of her liking with a fair pay in a good organization. It was high time to look for suitable matches now, although proposals were coming in even before she completed her studies

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This is how it happens in an arranged marriage. You have to dress up “properly”. Tips will pour in from her family and well-wishers. “Why don’t you wear a saree- you will look much slimmer” , “Oh my girl is looking so dark today-did you not used any fairness cream?”.
     Then comes the presentation. Some unknown guys will stare at her from head to toe, scrutinizing every feature. Sometimes this leads to a very awkward silence for few seconds. There will be enquiries like, “Can you cook ?” , “Will you be able to relocate?”, “How much do you earn?” , “Will you be able to wear saree?” and “Will you be able to quit your job if he goes abroad?”. This is just a small subset of questions. Some people ask about height and then try to compare by standing next to her. She suddenly becomes a product from a person.
      Now there is that decision making. If her family and relatives find the guy OK but, somehow she doesn’t find the guy appealing, it’s hard to explain them the reason. Somehow she becomes a burden to them. People will try to advise, “Being a girl you have rejected so many proposals, you shouldn’t be so choosy”. These are small things, some say. But she realizes words are small but scars are deep. It hurts bad when your parents get sad about your upcoming birthday. She believes, marriage is a beautiful journey, a journey worth travelling. But what if from early childhood you put an impression on a baby girl that she has to leave her home. Why won’t she think that marriage is awful? The entire childhood, in her teens and in young age, the topic of her marriage was never out of conversation. If in the name of marriage a girl has to go through all this chaos, better kill the baby girl.

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Sometimes she used to wonder whether she has become so selfish and self-centered that she’s unable to recognize people that care for her. She loves her parents and very well knows they love her even more. They certainly mean well, yet she hasn’t been able to justify the experiences she has gone through. Is it the fault of the society? But then who makes up the society? Are we trapped in a structure that we created for our wellbeing? Is it so hard to change for the good? She will have to find her own answers.
 

-Anonymous